Life is Great
Hey all!
Today has been a much better day than yesterday. Though, I think my children sense some change in the air as their behavior is just not normal for them.
The weather was great this morning, nice and warm, not too hot. So I went outside to enjoy my morning coffee while the girls jumped on the trampoline. Seems fair enough, however, my children would not stop fighting! It was like watching the Hulk perform at the WWE! Eventually I went upstairs to get some cleaning done. Once the girls ate lunch, they became much better. Who knew? So it slowly became a much calmer/better day.
With that being said, I have to say, I really am one lucky girl. As you all know, this weekend was Labor Day weekend so there was no school. Yesterday, we were invited to my friend's house for dinner and swimming. It was really fun. I learned how to play Hearts! Quite easy, but very entertaining and fun. The girls got to play with my friend's girls (she has two as well) and wouldn't you know it, no fighting! It was totally what I needed. I just felt so much better than I had that morning.
Then today, the girls Godparents had invited us over for dinner and swimming with their son and nephew. I have never felt so calm, peaceful and at home since my grandmother passed away. The loss of my grandmother sure did turn my whole world upside down. She was my whole support system, the only person who truly loved me and loved that I was a part of this world. She made it a point to tell me every day of my life that she was so happy I was born because I was the one who made her grandma. She passed in June 2005, before my 18th birthday. It was truly one of the very worst days of my life. I can promise you that there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think about her. I still love her with all my heart. Sometimes when I write, I feel like I am writing to her.
The whole point to sharing this is that I haven't felt special, or a part of something or just not alone since I lost my grandmother. The day I asked the girls Godparents if they would take on that role, is the day that truly changed my life forever. I had no idea I would not only be giving my girls something that I was lucky enough to have, but I would also be gaining a loving family myself. It really is true that God works in mysterious ways. Godmother once told me that she and Godfather were thinking of leaving our church until the girls and I started going. She said they just didn't feel they had the right place there at that time. Also, her boys are in no hurry to have children and I think Godmother is just ready for them. So by asking her and Godfather to become Godparents to my girls, I was able to give them something they were sort of searching for. In return, they have given me so much more than I could have imagined was possible. Hope.
I had a hard time overcoming my past and what I had been through. I have had such a hard time understanding what was wrong with me, why my family had done what they had done to me. I have asked myself so many why questions and what could have I ever have done differently? What kind of people could do this.
When I met the Godparents, I was really scared things would eventually break down because it did with those who were supposed to love and support me. I was scared in some way, shape or form, I would drive them away and they wouldn't want anything to do with my girls. The fact that we fast approaching the two year mark and things are still better than I could have ever imagined is just simply amazing to me. Its so weird to think that people who know really nothing about me or my past can love me and my family so much. Its just astounding to me and I am beyond grateful.
This relationship has given me so much growth in my own personal issues. I no longer dwell on the past, the abandonment. I mean I do think about it and there isn't a day that I don't remember, but I no longer blame myself and ask the whys. This relationship has given me reason to believe that I really can be loved and that maybe I am a little bit special. That in of itself has given me such relief and I think has made me a bit of a better mom. I don't focus on the past so much which allows me to focus on my present and future. In doing that, I am able to be the best mom I can to my girls and while I certainly have some bad days, I would venture to say that most are good days and that I am truly doing the very best I can.
I just wanted to share that because its just an amazing feeling, to feel loved and a part of a family. Its sadly something I really haven't had. My grandmother was the most amazing woman and I see her in the girls Godmother. Maybe that's why we click? I will never know. However, I will always thank God for this wonderful blessing and its proof that someone up there is looking out for me. If this wasn't the case, I don't think I would be where I am today.
Today has been a much better day than yesterday. Though, I think my children sense some change in the air as their behavior is just not normal for them.
The weather was great this morning, nice and warm, not too hot. So I went outside to enjoy my morning coffee while the girls jumped on the trampoline. Seems fair enough, however, my children would not stop fighting! It was like watching the Hulk perform at the WWE! Eventually I went upstairs to get some cleaning done. Once the girls ate lunch, they became much better. Who knew? So it slowly became a much calmer/better day.
With that being said, I have to say, I really am one lucky girl. As you all know, this weekend was Labor Day weekend so there was no school. Yesterday, we were invited to my friend's house for dinner and swimming. It was really fun. I learned how to play Hearts! Quite easy, but very entertaining and fun. The girls got to play with my friend's girls (she has two as well) and wouldn't you know it, no fighting! It was totally what I needed. I just felt so much better than I had that morning.
Then today, the girls Godparents had invited us over for dinner and swimming with their son and nephew. I have never felt so calm, peaceful and at home since my grandmother passed away. The loss of my grandmother sure did turn my whole world upside down. She was my whole support system, the only person who truly loved me and loved that I was a part of this world. She made it a point to tell me every day of my life that she was so happy I was born because I was the one who made her grandma. She passed in June 2005, before my 18th birthday. It was truly one of the very worst days of my life. I can promise you that there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think about her. I still love her with all my heart. Sometimes when I write, I feel like I am writing to her.
The whole point to sharing this is that I haven't felt special, or a part of something or just not alone since I lost my grandmother. The day I asked the girls Godparents if they would take on that role, is the day that truly changed my life forever. I had no idea I would not only be giving my girls something that I was lucky enough to have, but I would also be gaining a loving family myself. It really is true that God works in mysterious ways. Godmother once told me that she and Godfather were thinking of leaving our church until the girls and I started going. She said they just didn't feel they had the right place there at that time. Also, her boys are in no hurry to have children and I think Godmother is just ready for them. So by asking her and Godfather to become Godparents to my girls, I was able to give them something they were sort of searching for. In return, they have given me so much more than I could have imagined was possible. Hope.
I had a hard time overcoming my past and what I had been through. I have had such a hard time understanding what was wrong with me, why my family had done what they had done to me. I have asked myself so many why questions and what could have I ever have done differently? What kind of people could do this.
When I met the Godparents, I was really scared things would eventually break down because it did with those who were supposed to love and support me. I was scared in some way, shape or form, I would drive them away and they wouldn't want anything to do with my girls. The fact that we fast approaching the two year mark and things are still better than I could have ever imagined is just simply amazing to me. Its so weird to think that people who know really nothing about me or my past can love me and my family so much. Its just astounding to me and I am beyond grateful.
This relationship has given me so much growth in my own personal issues. I no longer dwell on the past, the abandonment. I mean I do think about it and there isn't a day that I don't remember, but I no longer blame myself and ask the whys. This relationship has given me reason to believe that I really can be loved and that maybe I am a little bit special. That in of itself has given me such relief and I think has made me a bit of a better mom. I don't focus on the past so much which allows me to focus on my present and future. In doing that, I am able to be the best mom I can to my girls and while I certainly have some bad days, I would venture to say that most are good days and that I am truly doing the very best I can.
I just wanted to share that because its just an amazing feeling, to feel loved and a part of a family. Its sadly something I really haven't had. My grandmother was the most amazing woman and I see her in the girls Godmother. Maybe that's why we click? I will never know. However, I will always thank God for this wonderful blessing and its proof that someone up there is looking out for me. If this wasn't the case, I don't think I would be where I am today.
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